


Without You, I Am Nothing

by homokage



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 09:06:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18568243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homokage/pseuds/homokage
Summary: This is an alternate ending/sequel to If You Love Me, Let Me Go.





	Without You, I Am Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - This is an alternate ending/sequel to If You Love Me, Let Me Go that I gift to my best friend who I have known for over a year. This is for you AnimeUzumaki7

"We could be happy, just hold on sunshine."He whispered over and over again.

This is gospel for the fallen ones

Locked away in permanent slumber

Assembling their philosophies

From pieces of broken memories

"Hold on baby" Kakashi cried out, pleading, begging me to hold on to my life. A life I deemed unimportant.

Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart

"I swear you will live, just hold on you stupid bastard." he paused" Remember when I had first said I had taken a liking to you? I had wanted to say I love you. I wanted to touch your body as we trained to cut the waterfall in half. I wanted to be your first, so you can't die yet." his voice was getting quieter.

The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds

But they haven't seen the best of us yet

"I am a demon, no one should love me,"my voice sounded hoarse

If you love me let me go

If you love me let me go

'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars

"that is why I am killing the demon. I shall be remembered as a hero." 

The fear of falling apart

And truth be told, I never was yours

The fear, the fear of falling apart

And with that I slipped away, forever leaving my one true love. Until we meet again, my one true love I whispered in my head. 

Although just before I did slip away, I could've sworn I heard Tsunade cry out my name.

+

"Naruto, wake up" The voice sounded so far away from me. Where was I? All I could see was a dark abyss that never seemed to end, and I was in the middle of it. It sounded like it came from everywhere, like an echo bouncing off walls.

"Naruto, please wake up" so much pain was in the voice, and this time I could tell where it was coming from. I walked towards the right of the dark abyss, wondering if I could find the source of the voice. Nothing was coming into sight, everything was just pitch black. Was I even alive? Was I dead?

I remembered taking my own life, dying in Kakashi's arms. The fox even accepted the fact I would die and made no attempt to go against my wishes by healing me. Maybe I was finding my way into the light, probably imagining the voice to comfort me. Yeah, that's it. I was imagining someone actually cared about me enough to tell me to wake up.

"Naruto! Wake up! I'm begging you!" the voice shouted, pain clear in the voice. It made my heart ache hearing such pain for me, a demon who tried to do the right thing for once. For some reason I get the urge to run, to sprint towards the direction of the voice.

Curiosity fills me as I wonder if this voice truly is real, if someone cares about me enough to save me. A thought at the back of my head thinks that there is someone who cares about me, who loves me enough to save me. It quickly gets drowned out by the hateful whispers of my friends, but that doesn't kill my curiosity.

In the dark abyss I see something that resembles the color grey, but it soon turns to white. It get's brighter and brighter to the point where I can't look at it directly anymore. Something inside of me knows that this is the only way I will see if someone truly cares for me, cares enough to save me.

I can feel something coming from the light, but it's not physical like heat. It feels like there is something loving waiting for me, something I didn't feel much. It was heavy, warm but not literally, it felt nice. I never felt this feeling except for when I was around Kakashi, but I was feeling that for him. Now, it feels like this is being felt for me.

"Naruto, please..." I ran faster and faster, pushing myself to go to the voice. The darkness began to fade away, completely getting consumed by the white. I kept running for a while, unsure of where I was going or what I would do.

Then I began to fall

"Naruto?"

I knew this voice, I don't know why it didn't sound so familiar before. It was the same voice that begged me to stay alive before I died, the voice I had loved so much. The voice that belonged to the man who I fell hopelessly in love with, and left him alone. It was the voice of the person who I had hurt the most.

The voice belonged to Kakashi Hatake.

+

My eyes opened up and I sat right up, gasping for air. My lungs burned as if I had been holding my breath for a long time, or if I was underwater. My eyes squinted and stung as they adjusted to the light, spinning as well. There was a loud beeping coming from the side of me, drowning out all other noises for the moment. My heart was pounding against my chest as I looked around the room, trying to make sense of what was happening.

I had bandages wrapped around my arms, a bit of blood soaking through. I was in a white hospital gown, some wires connecting to the monitor beside me, which was the source of the loud beeping. It took a few moments before I realized I was in a hospital bed, alive and well. 

Didn't I kill myself? I remembered the blood draining from my body, the life leaving me as I said my final words to Kakashi. Kakashi. Kakashi. 

I remembered how hurt he was, how he tried to get me to hold on. He kissed me, called me baby, how he confessed his love with the little time I had left. He was so hurt and all I could do was tell him I would be a hero, and to let me go.

Something within me snapped, like a dam breaking, the water flowing out of it all at once. I was angry at myself for dying in his arms, for not trying to live. How could I? How could I let him live without me if he truly loved me? 

"KAKASHI!" The name tore through my throat, escaping my lips. It pained me to scream when I had not spoken for who knows how long, but the emotional pain numbed the physical pain. Tears stung my eyes as I broke out sobbing, my whole body shaking.

When I was dying I didn't feel too much pain as it was leaving my body, but now I can feel it all. A cloud was lifted from my mind, allowing me to feel what I would not allow myself to feel before. People loved me and it didn't have to be everyone. It could have been just a few friends, nothing too big. The only one I wanted love from was...

"KAKASHI!" I screamed once more, holding myself as I continued to sob.

"Naruto?" a voice questioned from the doorway of the room. I looked over, trying to see who was standing there. As the tears fell from my eyes and allowed me to see, I could make out blonde hair parted into two ponytails and familiar brown eyes.

Tsunade?

"Naruto, you're awake?" she said, coming out as more of a question. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but I just couldn't find the words. What do I say to the person who cared for me, loved me like a son, and I let down because of selfish reasons?

As I finally found something to say to her I was caught off guard as I was pulled into a crushing hug, a hug I never knew I missed. My arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer if that was even possible. I could feel her tears soaking through my hospital gown and onto my skin. They were cold and reminded me that I was alive.

"Did you save me?" I asked. It shouldn't matter whether or not she saved me, but I needed to know. I needed to know that she loved and cared for me enough to save my life when I deemed it worthless. I just needed to know that I was loved enough and that when I tried to kill myself it was for selfish reasons, stupid ones too.

"Yes, I couldn't let you die. You're suppose to be the next Hokage, you promised" Her words cracked beneath all the pain and suffering. I couldn't help but smile at that, the fact she cared enough to bring me back to fulfill my promise made my insides warm up.

"I know, I'm sorry about that Tsunade," I pulled away, wiping the tears from my eyes," Where's Kakashi? I need to see Kakashi" I stated, smiling as I said his name. I needed him to know that I love him, that I'm sorry, that I'll never leave him no matter what.

At the mention of his name Tsunade's faint smile turned into a pained frown, her eyes not meeting mine. I could feel my heart skip a beat as I thought of all the bad things that could have happened to Kakashi. Did he do something reckless? Did he go off the deep end after what happened? Was he dead?

Panic filled my body and I found it hard to breath, like all the life and air was being sucked from my body.

"He hasn't been the same since that day, Naruto. It's been 3 weeks since then and it hasn't been easy. You flatlined so many times and we were sure we had lost you, but we kept you alive. He's broken, Naruto" her words echoed in his mind, making his stomach flip. What had he done to Kakashi? The reason he was going to kill himself was to prevent others from being hurt, but he hurt more people now than ever.

"Funny how I was going to kill myself to save you all the pain, but in the end I hurt you even more" Tears rolled down my cheeks, a pained smile on my face.

Then I felt a sharp sting on my cheek, my face now turned to the side so I faced my monitor. It started beeping loud for a few seconds before returning back to normal. My hand touched the spot that stung, making me wince from pain. I looked at Tsunade to see anger written all over her face, more tears falling from her eyes.

"How dare you say that, Naruto! What you did was completely selfish, and you thought you were doing us a favor? Sakura told me what she did, what had happened that night. She cried for hours and hours, saying it was her fault. She stopped eating right and barely left her house. Ino, Choji, Lee, all of your friends were in deep pain because they felt responsible. You know who took it worse then anyone? Kakashi. He held you, felt you die in his arms, and he almost took his own life! I saved him! For you!" She was yelling, the tears kept rolling.

I opened my mouth, unsure of what to say. I didn't think anyone would care for me in such a way since I was a demon. To think that I caused so much pain when I thought no one cared had baffled me. And to know Kakashi almost took his own life, for me, it hurt a lot.

"Where is he?"

+

I looked at the 6th Hokage, admiring such a beauty. Never would I have thought that Kakashi would become the 6th Hokage after learning what he tried to do. Of course, Tsunade made it very clear that he insisted and insisted on carrying out my promise for me. It only made me feel even worse for what I tried to do.

I focused chakra into my feet as I walked up to the rock it was carved into, and began to walk upawards. Tsunade told me Kakashi often sat on his head, looking out across the village like I would do, minus the vandalism. I could feel the familiar presence of his chakra on top of his head, signaling he was there.

And if I could sense he was there then he could sense I was coming. Without much thought I quickened my pace, trying to make as little sound as possible. Maybe he wouldn't notice me as he wasn't searching for my chakra presence. If anything, he would think he was hallucinating.

Once I reached the top of his hair I could see Kakashi standing on one of the spikes, looking out into the distance. He paid no attention to me as I walked closer and closer, my heart beating faster. I didn't even know what I would say once I was face to face with him, but I kept walking anyway. I was so close that if I were to say his name he would hear me, so I did.

"Kakashi, I'm sorry" sorry wouldn't even begin to cover the pain I caused him, but it was all I could think of. His head didn't turn as he stared at the village, his eye not turning to look at me. For a while I begin to wonder if he doesn't hear me, if he really does think I am a hallucination, but then he vanishes.

I open my mouth to say his name once more, but my face is pressed against the body of another person. Not just any person either.

"I thought I had lost you, Naruto" his voice wasn't like the calm one I remembered so clearly. The voice he had now was of a broken man who experienced more pain then I could imagine. It was the voice of someone who lost everything, and had little to live for. What had I done?

"I'm here now Kakashi, it's alright" I whisper as I pull slightly away from him, and capture his lips in a kiss. I didn't mind that he had his mask on, but I did yearn for the lips that kissed me when I was dying. It wasn't long before I pulled away, resting my head against his chest as I cried harder than I ever had.

"I'm so sorry Kakashi, I truly am. I know that you tried to get me to hold on and I just didn't want to. I realize now how selfish I was to try to end my life all because some people didn't love me. Truth be told, you're the only person I will ever need to love me. I should have held on and maybe no one would be in pain" I cried out, clenching his vest as tears soaked it.

"I heard you shouting my name, begging me to wake up. I had to find you, but everything was so dark. I followed your voice until I felt I was fallin, and I woke up because of you. Tsunade told me what you planned to do when you thought I died, and I realized I caused you so much pain. I don't even know how you can love me Kakashi after what I did. How? How..." I kept crying and crying, my body shaking.

A hand pressed against my head, the other resting on the middle of my back. A part of me wanted Kakashi to yell at me for being selfish, to say it wasn't my place to deem my life worthless, but he didn't. Instead, he held me as if I was the only person in the world and he was afraid of losing me.

"It's okay Naruto. All that matters is that you made it, okay? Truth be told, without you, I am nothing" his voice cracked. I pulled away from him as I reached for his mask, pulling it down to expose his beautiful face. Before he could say anything I pressed my lips against his, capturing him once more in a passionate kiss.

My hands snaked around his head, pulling him even closer to my body. Now that I had a 2nd chance to have the love I always wanted, I wouldn't waste a single moment of it, starting with being with the man I love most. His hands snaked around my waist, holding me as if to say he would never let me go.

"I love you so much, Kakashi" I whisper against his lips. 

"I love you too" 

The End


End file.
